On Chivalry

Dear Gentlemen,


Now I am going to use the C-word at you. Chivalry. It must be a dirty word because (granted I have not lived for very long) in my whole life I have met a very select handful of men who really seemed brave enough to be truly chivalrous. Others prided themselves upon it, but fell short still from time to time.

Here is a quiz for you.

There is a little old lady who is trying to move her trash bin a few feet to the side walk. She is going as slow as a sanil because it is heavy and she is visibly afriad of losing her balance and taking a fall. Do you offer her some help and move the trashcan?
Why not? Don't you know that the lady is trying to move it herself because she does not want to bother anybody. She is more willing to take a fall and break her already feeble bones on the sidewalk than "be a bother" to anyone. Do you know how much effort it takes for that poor lady to move something that big that far for that long? You can't move a trash bin four feet? What is your excuse?


If you answered yes, to the last question, that does not neccessarily mean you are chivalrous, it just means that you have some compassion and human decency, which is related to chivarly but not quite the same thing. But helping an old lady with her burdens or across a street or opening a door for her or picking it up if she drops something is what a chivarlous man would do.


Here is an easier question.

You invited this lady to lunch. This is your second date, and you are discovering that within yourself that you Just Not That Into her (good book, by the way).

So do you pay for the meal, or split the check or leave and let her pay?

YOU HAD BETTER NOT HAVE ANSWERED EITHER OF THE LAST TWO!

Gentlemen, I do not care where you were raised (probably in a barn) but HE WHO INVITES, PAYS!

No "Do you want to split the check?" No you better not leave her with it. Doing so puts you down the sensible self-respcting woman's scale as a coward.

You will be highlighted with a red pen by every attractive friend of that date, sister, cousin, aunt, distant relation and female facebook friend as a "Never talk to or let any of your friends talk to THAT JERK!"


It is so esy, Gentlemen! Why don't you get it? The message you are sending with that kind of behavior is, "I am a selfish bastard and I am too cheap to pay for a lunch. Do not date me or marry me, because if you do, you will be supporting me and I will give you no help."


Here is another scenario... It is a dance, and you are watching everybody else have fun as formidable and joyless as Mr. Darcy (an even better book).
There is a lady who has been near enough within vision for you to see that she has not danced the last three dances. Do you ask her to dance?

If no, WHY NOT? I do not care if she isas big as a truck, has no teeth and wears a beard! If a gentlemen comes to a dance, he goes expecting to dance. He does not just dance with his guy friend's girlfriends because they are safe (COWARD!). He does not dance only with the most beautiful women in the room wearing the most revealing dresses (superficial, lustful pig!). A gentlemen does not dance only with the girls that he could concievably see himself dating or courting (selfish anti-social, presumptuous pip squeak!) I do not care if you say, "I don't dance" A real man learns how to dance. Or he fakes it if need be.


Trust me, I have danced with a good number of men who did not know how to dance very well. I was more appreciative of them for at least trying to be sociable than I was by the men who knew how to dance and held me too close to them for any lady's comfort or modesty. (Don't even think about it!)


If you are afraid of being rejected, that is understandable, but I am not an extraordinary lady. There are many like me. I have only said no, to two men who asked me to dance in all of my life. One of them was my abusive father, the other one was a man with a huge crush on me that took everything I did and said as encouragement of his wooing no matter how many times I asked him to stop.


Most ladies would blush at the thought of refusing to dance with a nice sociable gentlemen. It would be as absurd as paying the lunch check for the man who asked you out.

And one more thing gentlemen. Smart women that you will court will take how you treat your mother and your sisters as how you will treat them. A smart woman only feels safe with a chivalrous mean.

Chivarly: A pattern of behavior and course of action that denotes habitual courage, charity, kindness, compassion and honor.